I know I've been AWOL... it's too complicated. Mainly, nothing new happens in Cairo anymore.

BUT here's a piece I did for CBC Radio's Dispatches. Enjoy.

Dial up ruining my life

A couple of internet cables got cut this week and the entire region is out of hi-speed. My life as I know it is over basically. I am using dial-up.. a word I havent used in ten years, let alone a method I've used.

In other news, I have a blog on CBC.ca.

Gaza-Egypt reporting: CBC Radio work

Of course, being in Egypt, the story of the day is the Gaza-Egypt border. Here are my reports. I just got back from Gaza

Jan 23/08 - from Cairo




Jan 24/08 - from Cairo








Jan 26/08 - from Rafah




Jan 27/08 - from Rafah

Apocalypse Now.. or It's Raining in Cairo

I used to make fun of the way people dressed during the cold weather here, but I don't any more. I'm just as frozen and miserable. The temperature has been at 19 degrees here, but there's something about it that doesnt make it the sweet 19 degrees of back home at the beginning of the summer. There's a bone-chilling quality to it, and it makes those on the street wearing parkas and wool gloves sort of justified (still hilarious to look at, but nevertheless). I think it's a desert kind of cold. Last night there was thunder and lightening and today, it's been raining non-stop. There's like a sense of panic out there. Noone wants to be on the street, everyone's rushing to get home, some people are enjoying the wetness by walking in the middle of the road getting their feet wet, but most are shocked and not sure what to make of it. The problem is that buildings here are designed to keep the cool in, not the heat. And of course, there's no such thing as central heating (maybe in the president's palace but who knows). So, there's no where to hide from the cold. My apartment is an ice box, and I went to some government buildings today, and the poor souls in there were chugging hot drinks, and sitting close to each other like sardines. It was freezing inside, my nose became red. Fortunately, this weather will only last another day or two and then the warm weather will be back with a vengeance. And I have to say, I'll take a muddy, rainy day over the foul heat of July anyday.

Flossing in Cairo

I'm getting ready to go to bed - in Egypt. I climbed a plane Tuesday evening and here I am. Egypt is just as I left it - only much colder than last June for sure. Funnily enough it's almost like Toronto weather at the moment. It was warmer on some days early this month in Ottawa than it is here in Cairo... thank you Global Warming. Anyway, here I am. Got in very early Thursday morning, and planned to get up at 10am nevertheless to get my day started, but I was so out of it I just kept sleeping until 1pm. It was a rough day; I was severly homesick for about three hours and just managed to mope and empty my suitcases on the floor and bed. It was too overwhelming since everything inside reminded me of moments back home, so I chose to sleep it off for five hours. I got up in the evening feeling much better, so I managed to make my room look and feel livable. It is nice to be back here. Went grocery shopping and it's amazing how things just fall into place. I remembered how to walk on the road and not get hit by anything (cars, donkeys whatever), it was easy to get back into the tipping for help (the bagger in the grocery store), to not drink the tap water, to politely smile and ignore when the corner store kid blatantly flirts with you. It really is nice to be back.

So "ray you go.." as my two and a half year old niece would say... Here I am... stay tuned :)

Aqsa

I was so disgusted by this story. On so many levels. But while reporters in Toronto were excited to jump on the hot button topic of the hijab as the source of the problem (given by the way by serious investigation of 15-year old kids), I kind of had more questions about the story: Was the father an alcoholic (so what if he was Muslim, a guy who claims to be religious would never force his daughter to wear hijab or kill her for it for that matter), was he unemployed, are they newcomers to Canada, does she have sisters who wear hijab (which we now know they didn’t), was he on medication, was he beating up the rest of his family too? It doesn’t give him an out - what he allegedly did was horrible and he should do time for it if he is found guilty. But let's not forget the Mailly family of Ottawa - father killed his wife, three kids and himself afterwards. No hijab in this story. But it was a story of domestic violence. Period. Like te story of Aqsa. No matter what the reasons, any man who lifts a finger on a female in his family is sick and needs help. It’s about control, power, and violence – you can find a man like this in ANY culture or faith.

So many things upset me about this story, but I have to admit what worried me most is the attitude of some people I thought were tolerant at the very least . I had one person at work say, "I am baffled how a father could do this." I was too.. but would he have told me this if the hijab wasn't part of it? Another person I overheard talking about said something like "they need to know that's so 40 years ago.. men and women are equal now." Sure; if men and women are equal in this country then I can fly. Another, jokingly, said, " poor girl all she did was say "ya dad YOU wear that thing first and then maybe I will." That comment was made to me. And maybe it may not mean much, but it sure tells me people don’t calculate what they’re saying and perhaps hide real feelings about the hijab.

The hijab is a hot topic button because of one main reason - it challenges Western ideals of female liberty and beauty. It puts a woman on the defensive when she sees another female able to cover herself and not feel the need to flaunt her hair and body. I always thought that I could be an agent of change by just being a hard worker and breaking stereotypes of women in hijab by my achievements - I work as a reporter, people are starting to know my name in town, I am as ambitious as any other woman if not more –but my headscarf is still something many people hate to look at, or at least wish I didn’t have on.

So now everyone is so interested in how hard life is on Muslim girls, particularly teenagers. It’s hard. I was one. And it’s still hard as an adult Muslim woman. I wore hijab when I was 18. My family didn’t force me – my 21-year old sister still doesn’t wear it and my mother freaks on me when I even open the subject with her. Someone I know asked whether or not it’s probably better for our culture/faith that she doesn’t wear it – I wonder if he would have asked me that question if I was trying to teach my sister how to make my great-grandaunt’s secret tomato sauce or other cultural element as important. Because it consists covering a woman it seems more frightful. Anyway, yes there are cultural and faith pressures. No one said it would be easy to be a non-white, practicing Muslim in this society – heck practicing any religion. So while the family is trying to enforce or encourage, as may be the style of parenting in the household, they have to deal with the pressures of a) being a kid outside, and b) inherent racism in this culture. And yes, there is racism in Canada everyone, sorry to break it to you. Just try being black for two minutes. The onus lies on Muslim women to condemn forcing girls to do anything they don’t want to, but also to reach out to Muslim youth and do what they can to ease the transition of womanhood on other Muslim girls. BUT, the onus of a multicultural society also to help others feel welcome in this country.. because we sure don’t feel welcome when:

1. I switch on the TV and see red necks on the Bouchard-Taylor Commission freaking out on Muslims and how dirty they are.
2. Girls getting kicked off soccer fields because they wear a scarf.
3. Verbal abuse by wackjobs on the street.
4. Lost Job opportunities being lost because of racism
5. Having to always to explain yourself, oh my God what a pain.
6. Newspaper headlines like, “Muslim shoplifts” would a Christian or Jew get the same treatment?
7. 9-11 backlash.

Most of the time, we can handle our parents. I actually know a few girls in Ottawa who have taken off their hijabs – girls from South Asian and Somali families with very religious fathers by the way – who suffered no backlash from their families after they took it off. They were supported by their parents, they were told to take their time. It's the "outside" that I know people dread. They get tired of explainng all they want to do is play soccer, that they like their scarf, to have to prove that MY PARENTS DIDNT FORCE ME. It's an insult to our intelligence. Do you really think just because I wear a scarf on my head, my brains are replaced by mush? We're some of the most educated human beings in this country. And here's a note to councellors in the community: I know so many Muslims who will not come go to therapy to a non-Muslim coucnellor because they are afraid you're going to demonize their religion and blame their religion or culture for any problem they may have. And many of these people NEED help.

And now a friend of mine just told me about a terrible press conference he went to where all the female TV reporters were complaining how terrible the hijab is for women. I thought feminism was about CHOICE. I thought women before me in this country fought for my right to either get my nipple pierced or wear a headscarf on my head if I wanted to. I could turn the table and say I’m not sure what’s so liberating about having sex with a thousand people before getting married, or drinking until your brains feel like soup, or not having a spiritual element of your life. But I won’t because this is a lifestyle for some and believe it or not I respect it and would fight for you to have the choice to practice it. And I’m sick of having to prove that we deserve the right to wear a piece of cloth on my head and to be treated like normal people because of it.

As Westerners we need to get off this high moral ground we have about other cultures - here in North America we have so much to do in terms of having men and women gain equal opportunities the list would take a lifetime to write. Aqsa's story is just another in a long string of tragedies proving WOMEN need to come together to fight violence against our gender, and to get the same opporunities that men seem to enjoy in terms of financial , political, and business success. Hypocrisy is a disgusting quality. Arrogance is even worse.

OK i'm not leaving

Hey

This is Hadeel.

You may remember me as the keeper of this blog. Well I've decied to come back. I miss writing here and I think I have some stuff to say still..

So even though I may not be updating every single day or even week... I think I'll continue to keep this blog up and see where it takes us...

Hope you'll come back to check.

-- H

Time for a new chapter...

I'd like to claim that I've thought long and hard about this, but I didn't really. It just feels right and about time - the blog is coming down.

Adventure will continue to be part of my life, and I think I will still see the humour in all the crazy things I'll manage to get myself into, but I feel it's time for me to find a different outlet to express it. I'm still going to tell stories and make lists of open letters. But in an age where everyone and their dog owns a blog (literally, people's pets have blogs too you know), and with things like facebook displaying the minutae of our lives.. well, I'm just feeling that overexposure has become so 2005.

So - I will miss you! Thanks to everyone who did follow the blog, left a note, and put up with my unedited rants. It was a great run; we did have fun. And let's not forget the reason why this blog started: as an important exercise in free speech when the CBC was locked out two years ago.

In a few days this URL will probably not work if you come back to check, but I will not have disappeared. And, if you're someone I havent met before, but want to stay in touch, do leave an email address in the comments. I'll make sure to add you to some group emails I plan on sending to friends when I travel.

Lots of Love,
Hadeel

Noor is a big sister, and I'm an aunt again!

Rayanne was born on October 17th, 2007. I'll post a pic once she's not so squishy.

I know. Finally.

But honestly, there's nothing to blog about. Life is so sterile and routine here in Ottawa, and our problems are so painfully sheltered (hmm, what style of democracy do we want - MMP or first-past-the-post) that I can't even bring myself to log into my blog. Don't get my wrong, I'm not knocking our way of life here. People have worked so hard for Canada to be an amazing place to live in.

But I've finally realized what this funk I'm in is.

I'm actually going through culture shock.

My dad scoffed at this notion. "You've lived in Canada ALL your life," he emailed. "What culture are you shocked from?"

Ours - here.

Just as Cairo seemed so chaotic and disturbingly maddening at times, Ottawa is impeccably squeaky clean. We have parking spots for pregnant women. In Cairo, you don't see pregnant women on the street because they could die from crossing the street if they even tried to waddle across. It's so quiet at night. And during the day. You can't jay walk. Police do their jobs. Noone harasses you. And everyone uses inside voices outside. And there is so much English! Even the Arabs I know don't speak Arabic... I feel like an idiot sometimes speaking to them in Arabic, they automatically reply in English... the way I was before.

What a damn whiner. I know. Never happy. Always finding something to complain about.

But the truth is, I am happy. My life has been an adventure. What more could I ask for. But it's just an adjustment period. I mean, after being away in a country where almost all my friends were transitory wanderers who were part of worldly projects and had global ambitions, I'm thrown back into a world of weddings, childbirths, and mortgages. Stability starts to become more attractive than traveling and exploring. You tour a friend's new house, and go home fantasizing what colour you want your future living room to be. You go to a wedding, and make an imaginary guest list in your head for your future nuptials. You buy an RRSP, file three years worth of taxes, pay off your huge credit card bill, and file everything in clear plastic folders. And then you remember what it felt like to live in the "real" world. People with problems other than is the garbage going to be picked up once or twice a week. And how close the rest of the planet is to you when you're not here - sometimes it's a bus ride away... a 1.5 hour ride away... a taxi cab away. But I never expected I'd go through this. Cairo was such an easy transition at the beginning, that I thought slipping back into Ottawa would be a piece of cake. But it hasn't, and sometimes, a cloud makes its way over my head.

The best part about being back, though: my family and friends. Being with them is like a tall drink of cold water. It was always the people I missed the most about being away. My neice, is 2 and a half years old now and is a little chatterbox. She speaks English and Arabic interchangeably and according to her mood, and has a head of springy brown curls that could rival Sideshow Bob's. Loving her makes my chest hurt sometimes, it's too much.

Woe is me, I know.

Pull yourself together, Hadeel.

Canada can be so utterly lame sometimes. Or maybe I should just say Ottawa. All I know is that SIX PM is a time for people to START living: going out to malls, shop, enjoy coffee shops, restaurats etc. NOT a time for it to all close and make you sit at home. Even gyms close at ridiculously lame hours: my gym here in Ottawa opens at 8am and closes at 9pm. What the heck? Most women WORK now. We're not all stay at homes! For some of us those are our working hours! It's so lame. And forget it if it's a holiday. NOTHING except the Starbucks is open. The malls are closed, you can't grocery shop, and you can't do ANYTHING. And if you work on Labour Day for example, then you're extra messed, because you get back home right around total shut down.

In cairo, holidays was when everything came alive. I mean as a capitalist society isnt that when we should really be encouraging consumerism?? Why is everything shutting? In Egypt, people stay up late and enjoy evenings with families out of the home. It's vibrant everyday of the week. And maybe on Friday mornings some places close until after 1pm.. but then STAY open until 1am. When did we get so nerdy?

I am freezing. The temperature is 17 degrees C here in Ottawa, and my teeth are chattering. I don't think I can handle this weather.. I remember when 17C was a nice warm day here.

Flight was nice and easy, relatively quick for a ten hour flight from Athens. I slept almost the whole way. I felt a bit nervous on the bus from Montreal into Ottawa. The sky was too blue, the streets too clean. I'm at my sister's house and the silence is really hurting my ears. There are no cars on the street and it's only 9pm. It's a bit frightening. But I love the familiarity of everything, like I've only been away for a weekend. I'm home :)

Cairo airport has free wireless. It could be thus rated the best thing on earth, except...

1. There is alot of screaming. Manager to subordinate, Subordinate to trainee, random children, parents to children, as you like.

2. Gulfies bud in line and think it's OK for their grubby children to touch you

3. Kids are rollerblading

4. The Gulfies are wearing too much perfume

5. The Greeks aren't wearing enough clothing

6. Juice and a bag of chips is 21 pounds (10 dollars) here - that's like the price of an entire meal in Cairo

7. Arabs think chocolate and chips are good snacks to feed your already genetically hyperactive children before a 6 + hour flight

See you on the other side of the pond everyone.

Wow, I'm going to be home in less than three days. I don't know how to feel about it. I wish I'd gone to the beach more here, because I hear it's raining and well, it's not here. But I am excited about a few things. I mean, my neice, Noor, hasn't made an appearance on this blog for twelve months.. there will be a serious reunion. For me at least, she doesn't remember who I am. Isn't that sad? Everytime she sees me on the webcam, she calls out my younger sister's name. Depressing really. So some major spoiling must take place to fix that. Then of course, my sister is having baby numero deux which is going to be a new barrel of fun. I think things will be too clean and polished when I get there, and life will have obviously gone on without me. I'm a little worried about the noise to silence factor... mainly that I have lived in one of the noisiest countries on earth for a year and will go somewhere where everything closes after 8pm.

I also can't wait for clean air, rain, little green men that tell you to cross the street, trees becoming bronze, voice mail, buttons that change traffic lights, swept streets, drinking tap water, shopping with debit cards and not having to carry wads of cash with you, my mom's home cooking, clean nails and feet, for my skin to stop breaking out because it really can't handle filth and heat at the same time, not having stomach aches just because you went to the restaurant down the street and ate something you've actually had before but today too many people touched it and being able to sue someone if this did happened, cbc radio in the morning, stupid local stories about growing garbage dumps and saving pets from trees, speaking to retail people/customer service/waiters in English and receiving what you want (hell i do that in Arabic here and it's still a challenge), different coloured people, not having to explain how I can also be Canadian...

I will miss perfect cafe lattes and chilling in coffee shops with my laptop, people's non-anal attitude towards smoking in public (a lot has changed), cheap food, text messaging, Arabic on the street, people yelling at each other, random stories, the med sea, loud music, Amr Diab's latest album being played in every single person's car on the 6th of October bridge, the 6th of October bridge when it's not crowded, real live local stories about serious things like water shortages and refugees, general petty lawlessness, the crowd, cheap methods of transportation, random expats, cheap trips, good mango juice, not having to explain my faith, speaking Egyptian everyday....

In the words of the grand guvner of Cali: I'll be back.

It's really hard to blog these days. I feel like I've lost my ability or sense of humour to do it. Things make me more frustrated living here and it's getting harder to laugh about it.

Cairo has really become kinda like Ottawa for me now - it's my home. That means a whole set of routines and habits and boring lists of items that I do which aren't really blog worthy. Many days are spent in my overpriced bedroom with the AC on, reading the news and listening to music, and trying to avoid going outside in the 40 degree heat. The thought of your eyeballs sizzling in the heat (they really burn even if you're wearing sunglasses), or sweat trickling down the small of your back when the most activity you've done is lifting your arm to hail a taxi is enough to make you crank the AC and go back into bed. Add the drama of being alive in Cairo to the equation... ya, I'll just sit here with my bottle of water and choose to believe nothing is really going on in the world.

But also, the type of things I want to blog about are things a) I feel I have little right to blog about, or b) could get me in trouble and I love this country too much to be denied entry in the future. After living here you start to get opinions about the poverty, the upper class ignorance of how the lower class lives, the corruption, the disorganization, the madness, the inefficiency, the glaring unfairness and injustices of living in an undemocractic society. As a journalist you also get a chance to be in touch with lots of different people and classes, and hear stories that can make you weep. But I am still trying to figure out how to balance this space as a vent and also maintain a semblance of balance. Even though I believe no journalist is 100% unbiased, and he/she may do a better job when they do have opinions, I still think there's a fine line between being an activist and a journalist, a line I want to keep very clear - for now, I report and tell you what's going on on both sides - you have the brains to figure out what you want from the story. That's why I avoid blogging on almost everything I report on to keep the two lives seperate. Then, I also feel criticsm of Egypt should come from Egyptians (and which many bloggers and journalists already do). At the end of the day I am a guest, I am an observer, I am a student. And I am grateful to Egypt for being an extraordinary teacher.

But as I do come close to sealing a year in this magical place, I am so grateful for two things above all: my Canadian passport and my education.

I know after the Arar case, some were arguing the real value of a Canadian passport, and when I did go to Israel I understood that feeling because I was treated as an Arab first through and through. But, let me tell you that passport is worth a heck of a lot. Flash it anywhere in this part of the world, and you demand respect. It demands good treatment. It tells people, you come from a place that cares about the individual and grants you with rights that may be tough to fight for but are real and certain. And you only understand this when you come to a country where foreigners are treated better than the locals. When your country treats you like a human being, then it demands others to do the same. Canada gives me that. And seeing people fight for their dignity on election day when they are stopped by police, or others who go to jail for saying what's on their mind will never make me take those rights for granted.

Ever since I was a child, my father would lecture us about the value of education. He'd go on rants about how you "are" your education; you will gain people's respect and education will allow you dignity and integrity. I had no idea what the heck he was talking about. I went to school because, isn't that what kids do - adults went to work, we went to school. What else would I be doing in the day? And it was harder to understand coming from a highly educated family, and only socializing with people who had university educations. But it took two decades for me to finally understand. When I came to Egypt, I met for the first time people who did not read or write. They could only say their name, but couldn't recognize it if it was on a piece of paper in front of them. I couldn't leave notes for my housecleaner, I couldn't show some of my sources articles written about them. I understood how not only education provided you with a better quality of life (even though that is arguable in a country like Egypt where so many people go to university with no jobs afterwards), but education (and particularly one gained in the West) also opens your mind, teaches you to think, helps to explain complexities of this world. You feel like a light is on all the time, and understand the darkness the uneducated suffer. I dont believe education determines the value of a person, but do believe education helps you assert your value.

I also know one more thing. Poverty is a real, serious problem. It's at the root of disease, crime, corruption, poor peformace at work and education. I'm also convinced the poor are the rich's responsibility. The rich, and especially the rich in countries with a depressingly massive amount of poor people like Egypt, will be held accountable for the poor. And I'd really like to know the justification of those who build lavish homes in upper class areas, but do not know - and don't want to know - what's going on in the neighbouring slum. I've heard "Why do you want to go into those areas, Hadeel?!" 'those areas' meaning the "dirty" parts of town. The shameful underbelly of Cairo where people sift through the garbage, have to protest because of water shortages, and have to live on the roofs of buildings and in graveyards because there is a "home shortage."

I'm getting ready to go back to Canada for an extended visit. And I can't wait. Unlike many in Egypt who feel suffocated by their daily lives, I can go away, change my scenery, live in an organized, unchaotic environment and rejuvenate.

I am free. What more could I want.

I'm so sorry for being incommunicado this past month. I've really been working a lot and then planning a trip which I've just come back from. Can you guess where I was?

It was the most magical and surreal one week of my life. I can't believe I got to pray inside one of Islam's most holiest sites - the Al-Aqsa mosque (the one above is not Al-Aqsa, it is the Dome of the Rock where the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ascended to the heavens from). Not only was it a spiritual pilgrimmage, it was also an eye opener into the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. I don't think you'll ever understand really what it's all about until you visit the land people are fighting over. Seeing the settlements in the West Bank, hearing stories from both sides, and walking on the same soil which is holy to all three major religions of the world makes you see the whole story differently. Our trip started off in a very interesting way: being detained for twelve hours at the Taba border as security made sure we weren't security threats to teh state of Israel. It became humiliating after hour 8, and we still hadn't received our passports. We did make friends with a Spanish guy who had a Lebanese stamp on his passport so he was detained for 10 hours. The poor guy got strip searched on his way back to Egypt. The actual trip was amazing. The weather was really hot during the day but became beautiful during the night. West Jerusalem is the more Jewish part of town where people live like they're in a Toronto or Ottawa neighbourhood. It's really clean, serene and beautiful. We spent a lot of time in East Jerusalem where the Old City and the holy sites are located. Cobble stones, ancient gates, and maze like hallways made up this area of town. We also ventured into the West Bank and visited the wall dividing Jerusalem and the Bank. We saw Jewish settlements, old Arab quarters, and bustling markets. We also visiting some Christian holy sites in Bethleham. Our last day was spent swimming in the Med in Jaffa and walkng around modern Tel Aviv. There are lots of feelings and ideas running through my head about this trip which I find hard to articulate. Hope you enjoy the photos for now.

My life has been a series of random Americans since coming to Cairo. When you leave sleepy ol' Ottawa (ok, sleepy ol' Canada) you realize how massive this world really is.. and that Americans really are people who walk this planet, not just figures who buy designer clothing on shows like the OC. This is probably a very naive statement for those who travel a lot, and espeically into the States, so sue me.

Anyway, so we begin with Ava, who is a wandering American from Alabama who has embraced the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and lives in Jerusalem at the moment (are you in Bethleham yet?). We met while I was working at the paper here, and she was studying Arabic and editing for the paper. We became fast friends, and now everytime she comes to visit Cairo to get a haircut we get a knock on our door at 2 in the morning and I know I will sleep in late that day because she and I stay up in bed talking for hours. This time she visited around the 4th of July, and brought two more people (Matt and Emily) from Alabama. I spent the entire visit mouth wide open, a) because I didn't understand half of what tey were saying since they spoke with a serious, serious Southern drawl, and then also listening to tales of what would probably happen if I - as a veiled, Arab Canadian - went to visit them in No Name, Alabama. It's a magical land, as per Matt. I can't wait to go.

Then of course, there is not so random roomate Emily who is from Florida. She tells us wonderful tales of how people spend money in Palm Beach and I can't wait to go to mega malls in her neighbourhood. She is great. But still pretty random. At this moment she has adopted four stray kittens and is waiting for some random vet to come and take a look at them. For a month now, she has been feeding, watering, and caring for these kittens, and says she will feel like a complete failure if she cannot find a home for them. She has sent emails to everyone we know, Egyptian expat listservs we're on, and made a Facebook Marketplace ad for them. I keep telling her that every single person in Cairo has a bunch of kittens that hang around the doorstep.. every year. to no avail. I promise to be supportive. I put out water for them when I can... As I write this, three of the four kittens are cowering under her bed waiting their fate with the vet. Her room smells like tuna.

Then of course the random Americans I met and befriended at a cafe near our house. And they are cleaning a beach in Cornwall, UK because they couldn't handle the heat. They're from Seattle and drink lots of lattes.

Happy C-Day from C-town

I hope you all had a great Canada Day. I was meant to go to the Ambassador's house here for a little Canada Day BBQ celebration.. instead I spent all last night barfing my stomach out so I'm officially sick. The mixture of AC, extreme heat, and most probably something I ate, has caused me to be bed ridden with a stomach flu. Fabulous.

Have a good one everyone.

Everyone's been in a funk this week; and it's really hard to focus on the positive when we're all going through the same thing. We either break down in tears and vent for hours about all the difficult things we've gone through. My cure has been to lock myself in my room and clean. Our house cleaning lady is coming tomorrow and she basically doesn't have anything to do in my room. It's spotless. I even Windexed my windows. I did two loads of laundry, changed sheets, fluffed pillows, swept under the bed, rearranged things on my dresser, and reorganized drawers. All in an attempt to regain control over a place with no control. My motivation for work is slowly dwindling in the heat, and all I want to do is sit in my room. I fantasize about getting back in my nice, white-tiled room. One of the hardest things of living as an expat in a city like Cairo is seeing people come and go. Last night my friend Ian who was here studying Arabic for 5 months, left for Toronto again. He's the latest in a string of people in our circle of friends who has gone back home and it's hard to keep saying goodbye. The expats are the ones who keep you sane and supported when you're away from home, and who take the risks of crazy adventures in the country that noone else would go on with you. Oh well.. c'est la vie.

If anyone needs me, you'll know where to find me. My room is the one just down the hall.

They say there are different stages of culture shock. There's sort of the honeymoon phase when everything is cool and fun and new and different and you're so excited to be there. And then you hit a low where you're afraid and homesick and ready to leave. Then eventually things become routine and you develop a way to survive and you become productive. I'd like to add another stage to the cycle: violent tendencies. Finally, it hits you that you live in craziest, wildest city in the world and are very near to a total system shut down. This will happen in the middle of the afternoon on a day when it's 45 degrees out, you're sweating like an animal, and screaming at a taxi driver through his window, as he stops a line of traffic that have no mercy with their horns. You almost get hit by a bus, wait almost an hour for your source to arrive only to give you a 20 minute interview even though you made it clear you needed 40 minutes of their time, and then you continue to fight with random individuals on the street. You finally get home to a broken air con, a prima donna landlady, and stories from your roomates about how insensitive and rude random people are to foreigners. You then decide to go to a civilized dinner only to be met by another taxi driver who wants to fight some more. That's when you come home close to tears, and ready to smash your head against the wall, download Google Earth and search for your old stomping ground back home. The next day, you feel absolutely traumatized by your experiences, you are literally afraid to leave your room, let alone the flat. And when you do for 10 minutes, eveyrthing and anything makes you want to cry.

The heat in Cairo has been unbearable this week. It's got everyone in the city agitated, tired, peeved, rude, agressive, and violent. Everyone is complaining, upset, and near tears. One of my roomates found herself smashing a water bottle at some men today. As she was waiting on the side of the road, a minibus driver didn't slow down to pick up passengers and was very close to running her over. Then the men sitting in the front seat started laughing at her! Add that to filth flying everywhere because of construction around the area, men staring at her anyway, and the heat, the only logical thing for her to do was to hit them with her bottle.

This is bringing out qualities in our characters we dont know about, and dont even really own. I was devastated all day today because of two fights I had with cab drivers yesterday. It makes you feel uncivilized and disgusted with yourself, and you start to wonder who you are. I was afraid to leave my room today. I sat in the AC all day in pyjamas and didn't talk to anyone. I feel I could do this for another three days at least if I could afford to.

I love this city to death. I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world at the moment. But there are days when your brain feels like it's fried and ready to scream. The AC is getting fixed tomorrow. Things will get better.